Had I been…

Contrary to how others perceive me, I am not at all thrilled with how I am. If others believe I am very lucky to be where I now stand, it is because I am just good at living the way my life turned out to be.
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One female friend sees me as a twenty-something writer cum editor. She thinks I’m amazing for getting to this post at my age. Other friends say I’m “bongga” because I get what I want – the job, I mean – as I’ll soon be having two “glam” jobs (though I still haven’t figured out how I can manage both). And so forth and so on.
They think I’m so damn blessed.
Sadly, I have a lot of “had-I-been” moments – moments when I picture myself far different from who, what I have and where I am now.
Had I been any of my fantasy personas, would I be happier or better than who I am now?
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“The Cleric”
First scenario:
Admittedly, my deepest frustration in life is to be a priest. Yes, I tried my luck – maybe not my best – to be a humble and worthy servant of God. I was, however, adjudged unfit for the role. I was found lacking and wanting. I wasn’t fit for the job.
Consciously I am aware I’m too obnoxious to be one. I’m also unfit because of my lifestyle since I refuse to be boxed. I loathe being told what to do.
Second scenario:
I am this rich kid, smart, talented, a pianist, a violinist, a singer-composer with ala Josh Groban’s voice to boot – son of a lawyer and former politician father and acclaimed musician mother; grandson (maternal) of a national artist for music; son of a major stockholder of either Globe or Smart telecoms; son of the seminary’s most munificent benefactors.
Born in the Big Apple, schooled in LSGH, he had everything – literally everything money can buy – until he decided to enter the seminary and live the simple life.
‘Nuff of that. We move on to my second fantasy.
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“The Diplomat”
My uncle (Nanay’s elder brother) was a Consul General for Kobe, Japan until his retirement from government service in 2001. He was Undersecretary of Foreign Affairs during former president Ramos’ regime.
He used to spend a two-day break in our ancestral house in Dumalag of which we were the tenants. He would spend those two days catching up with our lives and visiting Lolo and Lola’s grave. He wore Oscar de la Renta shirts, Bally shoes and Paco Rabanne parfum.
He is amazingly smart and eloquent. He articulates his point with such authority that I was always drawn to him.
When we send him off to the airport, he no longer subjected himself or his luggage for inspection. He only flashed his passport with the black cover (I later learned it was called a diplomatic passport) and the guards pay him their respect.
And so at times I fantasize I have a BS Foreign Service degree, serving as a consul in Paris or any European country.
Imagine how fab and glam that life is?
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“The Uber Chick”
Interestingly, I sometimes wish I were a chick. LOL!
I wish I am a deadly concoction of Donita Rose’s looks and Lea Salonga’s extraordinary talent. The uber chick I-am-not is well-bred and raised with nannies here and there. She is schooled in a private institution for her pre-school, grade school and high school and majors in Linguistics in college. She is old rich and desired by many but her heart belongs to only one – a simple guy schooled in the seminary. Guessing game, anyone?
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As the wisdom of old goes, we may not get what we want in life but what we enjoy now are God’s best designs for us. We only have to live it out the way He wishes us to live it. Live it and be happy./JPC